he thought i was a dude.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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