you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
