awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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