Dignity is for republicans.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
