He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
