Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
