did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
