shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
