i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
