My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need a beard to bite.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I supernannyed him into submission
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
