this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
