Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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