I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
