Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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