with your own penis?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
babies were throwing up all over the place
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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