hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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