We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
