your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
