I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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