Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize