Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
