it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
