So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
