If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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