I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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