yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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