no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
