u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
