Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have fence marks all over my body
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
