Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
