Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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