Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac

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(207): View more from Maine

so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo

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(208): View more from Idaho

Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.

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