She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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