Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.

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(201): i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness. http://tfl.nu/zg7h

Replies (5) Good night (1182) Bad night (594)
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(425): View more from Washington

Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

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(425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr

Replies (29) Good night (1158) Bad night (3069)
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(514): View more from Quebec

so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.

(1-514): View more from Quebec

and?

(514): View more from Quebec

luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...

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(514): so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother. (1-514): and? (514): luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne... http://tfl.nu/rdil

Replies (48) Good night (4138) Bad night (897)
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(317): View more from Indiana

and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.

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(317): and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka. http://tfl.nu/vpiu

Replies (10) Good night (4689) Bad night (671)
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(773): View more from Illinois

somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students

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(773): somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students http://tfl.nu/zxwh

Replies (8) Good night (4392) Bad night (999)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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(615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30

Replies (24) Good night (7676) Bad night (1084)
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(330): View more from Ohio

So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

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(330): So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers... http://tfl.nu/y9ah

Replies (8) Good night (2408) Bad night (1160)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

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(978): Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts http://tfl.nu/t2mu

Replies (6) Good night (3071) Bad night (1174)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.

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(419): Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/x4xs

Replies (4) Good night (1708) Bad night (1014)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?

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(319): Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition? http://tfl.nu/khff

Replies (11) Good night (2174) Bad night (425)
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(+41): View more from Switzerland

How did she break his doorknob?

(1+41): View more from

That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.

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(+41): How did she break his doorknob? (1+41): That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought. http://tfl.nu/2qqq

Replies (4) Good night (1826) Bad night (538)
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(917): View more from New York City

it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome

(1-917): View more from New York City

second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?

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(917): it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome (1-917): second-hand sex is fun, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/9p74

Replies (16) Good night (1707) Bad night (664)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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(719): I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in. http://tfl.nu/k5k2

Replies (11) Good night (2382) Bad night (976)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?

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(775): Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night? http://tfl.nu/238u

Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (514)
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(+58): View more from

Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.

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(+58): Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother. http://tfl.nu/wull

Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (312)

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