; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....