Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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