Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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