she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
