I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
