So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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