Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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