How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
