When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i already hear my dad disowning me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
