Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
