well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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