i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
