yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have already put on my inside pants.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
