Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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