I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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