Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
