OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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