im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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