Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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