Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
