You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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