dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
