How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
