my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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