Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
