There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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