Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
