Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
