He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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